tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1759484578003335992024-03-13T21:30:49.582-05:00Never Ending StoryThis is a record of my journey here on earth recognizing that my journey will never end, and is always changing and I am evolving. If you read my blog you'll get to know me a bit more, but that doesn't mean we then become best friends, you will just know a little bit more about me. In other words enjoy and don't ever replace real relationships with the electronic/virtual stuff! So here I go!!!Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.comBlogger98125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-71056486100050311732019-03-15T17:28:00.000-05:002019-03-15T17:28:44.811-05:00<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i><span style="color: white;">When I Thought My Only Companions Were Grief and Sorrow...Then Came Joy</span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">I was raised being told that it was not good to wallow in your grief and sorrow. Now, I do believe that slipping into self pity is non productive and can lead to despair. However, I have learned that grief and sorrow are best listened to, experienced fully, and can not only deepen our capacity for empathy, but our capacity for joy as well.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">I experienced an almost suffocating layering of losses and sorrow in 2010. My mother’s slow death process, a loved one's second separation in their short marriage (which God eventually redeemed and it is thriving!), the undeniable reality of the dysfunctional relationship between a first family member, their family, and the rest of our family all left me feeling numb and flat and yet with an ache somewhere deep inside. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">No amount of distraction or discussion eased any of it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">My counselor had encouraged me to start a gratitude journal when my mom first started her downward spiral. So, I already had the daily practice in place, but during this season of even more pressing in I often had to truly meditate on and dig for what I was thankful for. Then at other times I just had to look out the window and see the skies, the breeze blowing the grasses and flowers and leaves on the trees.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">There was the laughter and questions and snuggles from our two grandchildren at that time. Holding a child is so soothing and reminds us of how holistic life truly is. Listening to a beautiful song or piece of music. Air conditioning in a stifling, heat-soaked summer filled with constant time at the nursing home and yet the inverse: Stepping out of the air conditioned building into the scorching heat and feeling the warm sun soak into my chilled, exhausted soul and body and reveling in the sounds of life outdoors. Laughter with my familial sister, and laughter and tears with my sister of the heart who was in the same exact place in her journey with her mom...that's true companionship. Crawling into bed at night with a husband who went with the flow during this season of long days, interruptions to our own activities, the uncertainty that was a constancy around meals and short getaways. His arms were always waiting, his ears and heart always attentive, and his honesty at times was just what I needed to hear.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">So, when I have chosen to reflect back on those last three and a half years of my mom’s life and especially the last eight months it can be overwhelming, but then I take out my gratitude writings and am undone by how closely I was tracking with God, seeing him with me every moment as I read the words of gratefulness I penned in some of the harshest, hardest moments I had experienced up to that time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Joy was finding its way into deep, dark recesses in my core. The realization as I look back and see Immanuel with me in every moment, those good ones and those hard ones, opens up something inside of me. It’s akin to what it feels like when your muscles and body are sore and aching and someone gives you a back rub, or you get a good massage….you realize there are places that are tender that you had no idea about and the immediate discomfort of the pressure on them slowly releases a warmth and a feeling almost of euphoric relief. Because the purpose of the pressure is not to cause more pain and tension, but to identify it and relieve it, dispersing toxins and soothing and calming our minds and bodies. This is what knowing, looking for and seeing Jesus in those hard places and seasons can do for us. We realize we are not alone, we are never alone..and sometimes the comfort and the peace come flooding in and at other times those holy salves seep into our hearts and take up residence in a previously shut off portion of those numbed heart pockets. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKIpn4R9ZDL8h2d6WFS_pUpGkr1tgcuIRCf3vkSRCHLRADN_eXD8EmkjkDAqJJAox6Sxd89f2iqmVvQIUx723IxnIrYPVDxb7NBPCz8MeK7UDBFGaKF8A76JNNWaTbffVCMrjjactbUMCM/s1600/media-1552688617411-Dec_18_2018_1_51_PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKIpn4R9ZDL8h2d6WFS_pUpGkr1tgcuIRCf3vkSRCHLRADN_eXD8EmkjkDAqJJAox6Sxd89f2iqmVvQIUx723IxnIrYPVDxb7NBPCz8MeK7UDBFGaKF8A76JNNWaTbffVCMrjjactbUMCM/s400/media-1552688617411-Dec_18_2018_1_51_PM.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">I am not talking about jovial happiness. What I am sharing about is a strong, unyielding undercurrent of peace-filled joy. Joy wrapped in a blanket of shalom. It is what allows those we read about historically, and even present day people we look up to, to suffer well. Jesus does not always remove the suffering, no, that is true, but he comes and stands by us, sits with us, puts his arms around us, and even invites us to crawl into his lap, letting us know we will never, ever have to suffer alone...like he did...because that was already taken care of, the lonesomeness, when he spoke the words, “It is finished” from the cross. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">I weep thinking of him losing his earthly father here, then hearing of his cousin John’s long imprisonment and eventual horrible death, his friends and followers abandoning him during his darkest hours. It breaks my heart, but then I realize the complete empathy and perfect love and never ending, never tiring desire to always be with me was partially borne out of his own losses, struggles, and grief and I exhale and crawl into his lap. Therein lies my joy. </span></span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-87143203586165602212019-03-09T14:57:00.002-06:002019-03-09T14:57:44.484-06:00<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Love Letter to My Tribe</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">A shout out prayer and hope to my tribe. We are stronger than we look, yet our relational hearts are tender and love fiercely. May we wake up every day ready to adventure on and journey on. May we spark hope, creativity, and a little non status quo into the generations following us. Yes, may we be willing and brave enough to step outside the box when the box is irrelevant, a form of bondage, or downright shameful... May we recreate the box. May we stop comparing ourselves to </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">one another, rating our worth by what others say or think, and may we see our worth as God sees it... His very image in us! We are his beloved and precious in his sight. He designed us for a glorious purpose and empowers us to live that out in small ways and sometimes big ways. He also offers and invites us to rest. Rest in him and rest from our work, in order to re-enter into it re-energized and refreshed and refocused. Yes, we may wear many hats, but those are what we do, not who we are. May we never confuse the two in our lives nor in our sisters' lives. Hold one another's hands, look each other in the eye, hold one another up when any of us are too weary to stand, and be willing, always willing to be a part of rewriting the true story. The story many of us have found ourselves in was fictionalized by those that saw women as a problem or a threat. We are not a threat, not to other women or those who value us as whole people, but may we be a force to be reckoned with, tearing down the strongholds that hold us back and hold us down and rebuild a world for the next generations of women that fully utilizes ALL humankind's strengths and gifts. Love you all... You are valuable!</span></span>Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-68890721739296296992019-02-27T10:37:00.000-06:002019-02-27T11:05:27.484-06:00Cartwheeling Through the Subtle Shades and Colors of Life<div class="_1dwg _1w_m _q7o" style="font-family: inherit; padding: 12px 12px 0px;">
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Something I'm realizing as I get older is that I no longer see things so black and white, so set in stone as far as my opinions, my beliefs, and my worldviews. It's actually very comforting and a relief to not have to feel the need to defend a position, or a viewpoint. It's truly a joy to listen more than speak. For the years have taught me that in this life I am entitled to nothing, everything is a gift, and when things don't go my way I will not only survive, but most likely grow in some area.<br />
I don't think this perspective is possible to gain only by those who have actually lived for decades though, for I have seen such an awareness come to younger persons that have endured true hardships and near death experiences.<br />
Think cancer survivors, even children, survivors of traumatic events such as war, accidents, and horrific mistreatment. So often we call them "old souls", and rightly so, and it is appropriate to feel sympathy or compassion towards them. Many need assistance in help and recovery from such terrible things as PTSD. However, I have also found that many of them actually gain a "soul wisdom" beyond their years that can allow them to live life more fully with more awareness that life is truly a gift.<br />
I am amused and at times I am embarrassed by my younger self when I remember how much I knew and knew what I knew was right and best. Not just for me, but for others too, especially those older than me. I was so progressive and revolutionary in my approach to life and life philosophies. When I "came to faith" , I had the right answer and I was in the right camp of believers. It was my business to convince my friends and relatives that what they believed was not quite right if it didn't fit my paradigm.<br />
Somewhere in my thirties I began to realize the self confidence I portrayed was actually pretty thin and there were questions lurking beneath the surface. I kept those at bay, but they would break through every so often, especially as my own children entered their teen years and young adulthood.<br />
We loved being with our kids and their friends as they all grew into their adult selves. That's when I began to let some of the musings and questions surface. That's when I became less certain that everything was contained in a neat tidy package of philosophies and beliefs and viewpoints.<br />
At first it was scary, I admit. Then, however, something beautiful began to emerge. An awareness was growing within my mind and heart, my soul, that the God I believed in not only could handle my questions, but welcomes them!<br />
The more I opened myself up to the thoughts and questions and fears I had stuffed for so long, the deeper my connection became with my God and with other people!<br />
Probably one of the most influential persons in my life at that point and still today is a woman thirty three years my senior. She has the most amazing stories and a mind that is not only sharp, but always learning and expanding her horizons. As I write this she is almost six months past her ninety ninth birthday! My girlfriend and I worked with her for a while and still get together and talk and laugh and share our hearts on life and faith and relationships and even politics. Just last year we three spent an afternoon having lunch at a beautiful winery and it was every bit as much fun as my times with my peers and younger friends are.<br />
One of my favorite sayings is, "When I grow up I want to be just like [my friend], only taller." You see this sweet woman is almost half as tall as I am!<br />
Anyway, she has an insatiable curiosity, a solid faith and love for her God, yet allows everyone the freedom to pursue their own journey and grow to know God in the way he's designed them.<br />
Yep, I'm pretty darned sure that "gaining wisdom" as one ages means realizing how little we really know, seeing the beauty and the value in the kaleidoscopic of people, life approaches, and more and more dropping labels and evaluations based on preconceived ideas (can we say... prejudice?).<br />
Its wonderfully freeing and I honestly feel younger than I have in years, except for the way my body sometimes reminds me of the miles it has accumulated... But even that no longer dampens my joy that God's not done with me because he keeps expanding my horizons and its exciting to walk towards those horizons , even if I can't do cartwheels towards them anymore...In my mind I still am able to do them.</div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-16856916877623020772018-04-23T17:18:00.000-05:002018-04-23T17:44:28.466-05:00The Beauty of Our Scars<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> So often we try to hide them. Scars... They are not attractive. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">I had one lobe of my thyroid removed when I was 22 and married barely a year.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPQDW3O1UBLauEOm9VBIA91hOvgjyA_RmFmoVmuCb-mu5vc2MpUD_pS-RbedXJVWTzHClRBdygmm6l-Oc2p2kGHz3Evg0tEK_H_g3AlSSE4d5TMp-rV6FuVNS-QlyLi5fnS55LPcJsjwW/s1600/IMG_20180423_170228122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPQDW3O1UBLauEOm9VBIA91hOvgjyA_RmFmoVmuCb-mu5vc2MpUD_pS-RbedXJVWTzHClRBdygmm6l-Oc2p2kGHz3Evg0tEK_H_g3AlSSE4d5TMp-rV6FuVNS-QlyLi5fnS55LPcJsjwW/s320/IMG_20180423_170228122.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> I have had a melanoma on my thigh removed and they did and nice job and the scarring was minimal, but the surgery saved my life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVgj9zgOkRoUyQbmqCGyI4C0e8JEV4V0QjuJyASpQ0xcw37u7WbeTfGE2k5i-bGw-uCyYOgWDCBACzHSjVSgi9TKkGFL8jkmgXIl9grJYccuFFmbiAzngAtxqknbI1lvyMwPt959rbzb4/s1600/IMG_20180423_170416648.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVgj9zgOkRoUyQbmqCGyI4C0e8JEV4V0QjuJyASpQ0xcw37u7WbeTfGE2k5i-bGw-uCyYOgWDCBACzHSjVSgi9TKkGFL8jkmgXIl9grJYccuFFmbiAzngAtxqknbI1lvyMwPt959rbzb4/s320/IMG_20180423_170416648.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> I have a scar on my left arm from a nasty tear in the flesh when I was 18 years old and climbing over an 8 ft cyclone fence...LEAVING...a concert.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVlvTUA_ckQC1AQjO9LBTuotDKPw-CO3KOpyDx9keQ6cmcy6eBBdeclliVaDNLQECJBo4XJN9gPFgDPv5VECuCJeVxwpj_ivRZt5Bf0kMYKEyi7edimpfEviiyhVrzTkxwLhnRy0Emlt9F/s1600/IMG_20180423_170313403.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVlvTUA_ckQC1AQjO9LBTuotDKPw-CO3KOpyDx9keQ6cmcy6eBBdeclliVaDNLQECJBo4XJN9gPFgDPv5VECuCJeVxwpj_ivRZt5Bf0kMYKEyi7edimpfEviiyhVrzTkxwLhnRy0Emlt9F/s320/IMG_20180423_170313403.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">At times my scars have throbbed, at times I forget about them. Sometimes I notice them and they remind me: </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">That was NOT cancer; That WAS cancer, but they got it all! That was a bad choice, but you just missed severing a vein in your arm and it could have been worse. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Just like these physical scars, I carry emotional scars, as so many do. However, they too remind me of God's grace, the gift of good counselors and recovery programs, and the love and support of many over time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Sometimes the pain resurfaces. I have done the work of forgiving those that inflicted the wounds, but the pain still throbs at times. The scars are a beautiful reminder that there is joy to be found through suffering, not because of it, but joy can be found within the layers and folds of the suffering. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">I am understanding more and more that is because I have never suffered alone. One has always been with me, and because of that I can find peace and joy even when I am hurt. Even when the scars remain. His eyes are upon me. His hand reaches out and takes mine. His love soothes me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">Those scars? They are beautiful to God and precious in his sight, so they have become beautiful to me the more I see things through his eyes. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">After all, he still carries the scars of his crucifixion, and they are powerful reminders that in the midst of such hatred and jealousy and evil, love won...it always does.</span></span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-73045291503481898622017-02-03T16:07:00.000-06:002017-02-03T16:17:52.917-06:00Unison yet with Harmony<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>The Strength and Beauty of Harmony</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>When a song is sung in unison it is nice, even pretty.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>When a song is sung in three part harmony (or more)</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>It is still one song, one melody, yet... </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>so much more powerful and moving.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Each instrument in a band or an orchestra</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Lends its own tones and hues</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Yet when they are all focused on one outcome</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>It is breathtaking</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>When we as people grow in our awareness that </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Although we all have different backgrounds</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>We can still each contribute to </i></b></span><b style="font-size: x-large;"><i>this song of life</i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>And the richness and depth of our lives and others'...</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>Will be magnified, deepened and better because of it.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>In unison of heart, we are stronger and more beautiful</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>When each unique voice lends itself to the whole</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>And God writes his masterpiece through that unity and harmony</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><img alt="Image result for free photos of musical notes" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQhLVHFiHmdZQ4rZueAVB6uVvPEXMCv7vqcE6qLMw0GM8jAKloOOQ" /></span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-71767307407015602532016-12-24T08:50:00.000-06:002016-12-24T08:50:09.520-06:00Waiting...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had a bad night. My almost forgotten GI symptoms came on like a vengeance around 2 am.</div>
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I went back to sleep for a few hours. Then my nerve pain decided that it was time to also make a dramatic reappearance. I got up, did my extension exercises on our newly gifted PT table, (Thank you Bob and Marti!) and stumbled into the predawn living room. I opened a "real" cola...only thing my tummy could handle and sat in the stillness.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Then you said, "I am here. In the stillness, in the alone quiet, in the pain, and the "retched" nausea. I am with you Marsha. I am Immanuel." </div>
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It is Christmas Eve! Always my most favorite day of the year and of this season since I can remember.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The quiet anticipation. </div>
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The sweet imagery of a baby born in a stable to a teenage mother and her scared, yet protective betrothed.</div>
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Then I hear you...and this is what I write:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He came in helpless form to be the ultimate helper.</div>
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His power was reined in as he took on a frail human body as his own.</div>
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So, there was that , restrained power... for a purpose.</div>
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His love, however, was of unrestrained power and passion.</div>
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His willingness to go, engage in relationship, and know, all those thirty-three years...</div>
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His purpose.</div>
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Thank you for your invasion into our world and lives. </div>
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Thank you for touching my heart as a girl with the beauty and mystery of Christmas Eve.</div>
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<br />Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-32576521987024554462016-03-25T10:18:00.000-05:002016-05-09T19:06:01.347-05:00Never ending...Regeneration!<h2 style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: x-large;">
REGENERATION!</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was writing in my thanksgiving journal this morning and thanking God for the ongoing resurrection gift of life through the seasons, generations, sunsets, sunrises, and all of creation's continual growth and expansion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am becoming more and more aware of how nothing ends except something new begins.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was encouraged by the thought that every winter, life is busy preparing to burst forth again in the spring, no matter how bitter and dark the winter. Especially as I looked out on my early spring flowers covered in a late dump of snow last week standing strong and tall after the melt!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am ecstatic that when we leave this earth our offspring will be continuing our legacy and if not our offspring our art, or relationships, or whatever we have contributed to this side of eternity. All of it is a memory imprint, of us, on this world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have a hard time...okay, I'm obsessive about not missing sunsets and sunrises! I feel a melancholy settling in my spirit as twilight glows and then fades. It's hard not to sigh. I feel a peaceful energy if I see the first whispers of a morning glow and watch the sun's promise erupt across the skies for quite a while before it actually rises. Daylight is returning again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Are we so vain as to think that we can end this world by our interference and neglect?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We <b>can</b> damage it and tilt things horribly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We have a responsibility to treat <b>all</b> of creation with respect and honor life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">However, we are no more capable of sustaining the life flow than we are of creating it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The very ongoing adapting, evolving process of this world and the universe attests to God's creative, redemptive power.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I love that God left his memory imprint on this world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am reminded of his promise to always exist and to always be present every time I witness these events and realize that death is not the end. Life originally spoken into existence by him regenerates. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The end is the beginning!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">His death on the cross was not the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">His burial in someone else's tomb was not the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The empty tomb always reminds us that it was the beginning.</span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-8196663709785553592016-03-10T10:07:00.002-06:002016-03-10T10:07:49.984-06:00Brave ThingsMy favorite relative did an amazing thing that forever made him my hero the last eight years of his life.<br />
He made a life-changing decision to address a problem instead of running from it anymore and I saw him as one of the bravest men I had ever met.<br />
I decided that I would remember him every time I thought of NOT doing something because I was scared, or "too old", or it was "too late". It has served me well...when I act on it!<br />
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I am 63 years old as I write this and although to date I've not jumped out of a plane, taken up rock climbing, or learned to surf, I am doing things that genuinely are big and brave and hard...for me.<br />
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Let me back up a bit.<br />
I was a shy kid, sort of had a small comfort zone and didn't much like straying out of it.<br />
I was also a tall, skinny, pale, blonde girl...sort of noticeable even though I did everything to NOT be noticed.<br />
My mom, with best intentions...don't we moms often unintentionally give our children fodder for their future counseling sessions by doing things with best intention...but, I digress...which I do a lot...my mom used to want to sew or purchase outfits for me that were bright and bold. The tags should have said they were made by "HERE I AM! LOOK AT ME!!!"<br />
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I was so very thankful that I went to a school for the first seven years of my educational life that required uniforms.<br />
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Anyway, I used to dream of being a pilot, or a singer on a stage, or a heroine of epic proportions and my heroines often died...so my dreams were big, but I hated attention being drawn to me...I was shy.<br />
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So, when I say that I am doing things that are genuinely hard or brave for me. I am speaking of that hidden "young self" that will forever be inside of me and that often causes me to be stunned when I make a statement like the one in the earlier paragraph, "I am 63 years old"!<br />
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One of the hard, brave things I am doing is an elimination diet. This particular one, for some reason I have forgotten, is called an "easy" elimination diet. It is comprised of four phases of 35 days in each phase in which I eliminate between two and four food groups or additives and then after three weeks one at a time reintroduce them into my diet. The idea is to figure out what I have been feeding my gut that has made it sick and uncooperative for years now...yes, years!<br />
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Now, at first I thought, "I should've done this a long time ago," because honestly I have figured out two culprits already (I am into phase one for well over a month due to messing up) and I feel so much better already. Part of the reason I thought "Why did I not do this before" is because quite a few friends of mine that are my daughters' ages have done this and are thrilled with how great they feel.<br />
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Then I realized: Wrong, wrong, wrong! When I was their age everyone was trying to eat healthier, but no one was offering this type of program or advice, nor were people even aware of some of our personal food demons that were making us sick or sluggish.<br />
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Nope, I am proud that even though I am a bit older- by a lot - than many of these younger friends, (got that?) I am addressing it now....AND, I have a lot more years of eating habits literally under my belt than said younger women, so it is a heck of a lot harder for me to hit the "redo" or "refresh" button at this stage of life...but I'm doing it!!!! A quick shout out to the aforementioned friends for being my inspiration!!<br />
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One of the other things I am doing is slowly working at getting back into the music business. My hubby and I played professionally in our pre-children years when you actually played four forty-five minute sets a night at a club where people came to actually listen to the band and dance and drink and other stuff. Well, lots of the other stuff went on in the parking lot or in upstairs rooms in the club, but I once again digress.<br />
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We then continued throughout most of our married life to play music, but usually leading worship at church, which we have loved. However, God tried to gently nudge us out of that gig and after twenty-seven years we started going to a new church and, voila, ended up back on the worship team and once again heading the worship team. We left that church, took a year plus off of organized religion and then started going to a new church plant and before we knew it we were back at it.<br />
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Well, suffice it to say that God let us blunder about a bit, then we decided it was time to exit their music ministry as well. God is often scratching his chin and chuckling, I am quite sure.<br />
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Now we have started working up set lists, and a friend has asked to play with us and we are beginning the arduous task of approaching pub owners, etc. about playing at their establishments.<br />
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We also have been playing once a month for an interdenominational prayer group that has the most astonishing array of men and women, usually more men than women which is sort of cool for a prayer meeting when you think about how historically it's the women folk that seem to populate such gatherings. These are sweet and free-flowing and we love them.<br />
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The pub thingie is unnerving and scary and we only want to play early in the evening for no more than two hours. Things change, we have changed, and getting home early doesn't feel uncool anymore...it hasn't for a very long time!<br />
This is another brave thing.<br />
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I am realizing that I am a "hard learner", meaning that for some reason I am wired to use denial and excuses, and to let my fear of failure or fear of success, keep me in indecision mode...which by the way IS a decision!<br />
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I have been in therapy for years, as well as several 12 Step groups and understand the "whys" of many of my behaviors. I have also made miraculous progress in so many areas of my life.<br />
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However, there are certain behaviors that reveal themselves in my response to some stimuli and stressors (good and bad stressors) that can only be called self-defeating, fear-driven saboteurs of my growth in certain areas of my life. Such as the above named areas of health and music...and actually, come to think of it, this... writing.<br />
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Now, something that has come late to me in my sixty-three years ( remember: "hard learner") is that I am not an extrovert as many have labeled me in my adult years. I am a social introvert. Meaning this: I get recharged and reenergized when I have down time and alone time with me, myself, and I. I love people and love connecting and interacting, but it is often scary and hard for me to walk into it initially , then I engage and most often enjoy, yet when it's over I cannot wait to get home to my music, book, favorite TV show, a soak in the whirlpool, or wherever my retreat mode leads me.<br />
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I am also what blogger, author, speaker Glennon Doyle Melton calls a "feeler" and I spent a long time trying to not be a feeler! I am hard-wired to be one and because of some things said to me early in my life about how I was "different" from the rest of my family and "wondering just where I came from" I was convinced that it was a negative thing to be avoided or at least hidden from others.<br />
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When we want to hide something or change something about our core selves it means attempting to reshape ourselves and putting on a facade and a persona. We become Shape Shifters of a sort.<br />
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We get so good at keeping others from knowing who we really are that we eventually try to leave our real selves behind, bury them. The longer we go before finding and reasserting who we really are, the more painful and difficult the process is.<br />
It took me years...and I still discover pieces of myself that got left behind from time to time! I am working with my Designer to reestablish the 100% true Marsha, and at times it feels like an adventure and at times it is no fun at all.<br />
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Here's the interesting part. The whole time we are hiding our genuine self, it is always just underneath the surface trying to break through. It's that subtle yet nagging sense that "something feels off" or "I always feel just a little out of kilter with my life and my world" that haunts us sometimes at night and saps us of energy.<br />
I think that is why so often when someone has a serious life-crisis, or a breakdown, it's often more of a breakthrough by their true persona. Those crises are often a gift of grace as they allow us to see that we have been living untrue to ourselves and letting some other false identity take our place.<br />
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Well into adulthood I found myself finally admitting that I was struggling with depression and I sought help from a counselor.<br />
Once we began to clear the debris...which was very painful... sort of like shedding my outer skin so I could grow...I saw that the "feeler" introvert that was also extremely creative was not a bad person to be. I began to travel lighter as I threw off the oppressive identity I had allowed to curl about my soul like a boa constrictor.<br />
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I accepted a part in a musical, the lead part! I was tricked into that - ha! I continued participating in it playing various roles for quite a few years after that. We are talking a production that our church put on, so not Broadway, but one of the most well thought out productions imaginable with sellout crowds at various venues around the city.<br />
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I also began playing bass guitar again and, as I shared earlier, getting more involved in our church's music ministry, eventually as the director of that ministry and then again at the other church we attended for a number of years.<br />
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The point is...when we realize that we may be living a lie. We also begin to understand we are not allowing others the privilege of knowing us and not allowing ourselves to flourish as who we are created to be. Then when we take steps to get in touch with who we started out as...well we can flourish and fully be! And that is the freedom to be. That is indeed freedom to lay hold of!<br />
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So, if we ever get hired to play (we are fun to listen to) come have a beer or a glass of wine and enjoy. I will be the one that's not in bright colors, feels a bit uncomfortable and having a blast!<br />
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<a href="https://youtu.be/PdLIerfXuZ4">The Who say it pretty well...</a> check out the link!<br />
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-46222551692737829752015-05-11T07:01:00.000-05:002015-05-11T08:22:59.851-05:00When (We) People Unwittingly Say Things That Hurt More Than HelpIt is raining hard at five a.m. and the birds are already noisily awaiting the dawn. The cloudy skies are sliding from murkiness into a more defined dull gray.<br />
Now one raucous robin is insistently calling out a repetitive monologue.<br />
Being awake in the wee hours always is at once a place of deep connectivity to God and profound loneliness.<br />
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Our daughter's little almost 8 week old baby boy is in the hospital since yesterday early morning. The ER docs were concerned about meningitis so after getting an IV in him and doing some blood draws and catheterizing him they added a spinal tap to the list!<br />
It was so very necessary to rule out that terrible, yet treatable illness. It was also in and of itself terrible for her and her husband to watch him go through such a tortuous diagnostic tool after such a long sick night at home fighting to breathe through the mucous that was accumulating too fast for his little body to deal with.<br />
She texted us to let us know they were going to the ER.<br />
Then she texted to let us know they were admitting him.<br />
We finally got to hear her voice and she was tired and drained and behind her resolve one could here..."I want my mom. I want someone to take care of me while I take care of my new baby boy who is so sick and I am so scared."<br />
Yesterday was Mother's Day...<br />
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Mother's Day is a "holiday" that I used to love. Now, I have mixed feelings about it.<br />
My mom is gone...almost five years, but this is one of those "holidays" that for anyone who has lost their mom, has a difficult or broken relationship with her or their child, wishes they were a mom, or anyone who has lost a child feels the pain in their heart not unlike that of salt being rubbed into a wound.<br />
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I will go to my daughter if she asks me to come into their struggle over 800 miles away. I will get on a plane and be there with her and her little family of four. She texted in the middle of the night that it was "a lonely feeling to be there with her baby" who was spitting up his entire feeds with so much mucous, then falling to sleep with his little IV in. She said, "I work in this place weekly. I have a deep empathy and compassion for those who must spend weeks and months in the hospital." She is an oncology nurse. You would want her for your nurse if, God forbid, you ever needed one.<br />
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Our entire family has a strong faith in God who created and designed each of us and numbered our days. We know he is mighty and powerful and able to save the helpless. We also know that he realizes we are frail like the grass that flowers in the morning yet withers at night. He is a God who weeps with us and holds us and carefully tends our hurting hearts.<br />
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There are evidently several nasty viruses that are going around right now. The doctors told our daughter and her husband that the older kids and adults can fight it off better than these new little ones can. Their 23 month old had the virus first, then the little one, and both our daughter and her husband are coming down with it now as well. He let them know that not getting their little guy into the hospital would've had disastrous consequences and the docs were so glad they had gotten him in.<br />
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I know that when people tell you that " We went through this" or "My (older) child or grandchild went through this" and "are fine" or "quickly bounced back", they are trying to help and offer some sort of encouragement. However, it FEELS like a dismissal of the real fears and struggles our family is vulnerably sharing with them, inviting them into our moment to just be there with us and offer prayer and support .<br />
How does one let others know that they covet and appreciate their prayers, yet please do not offer platitudes or try to minimize what is going on at this time in our lives comparing this situation to one that is truly not the same, and even if they were, that is not, in my book, the definition of empathy.<br />
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I guess what I am realizing is that it is at such times we are called to take the higher ground and exhibit grace, even if what someone unwittingly does feels graceless. I also realize that I have most likely done the same unwittingly and may even do it again (although I hope I only grow in this area).<br />
So, I rest in the knowledge that the only perfect co-sufferer and compassionate friend is Jesus and not expect all of our friends and family to respond perfectly or at times even well.<br />
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Thank you God for caring through the long night watches so far for our little Crosby. Thank you for friends and family that "get it" and for those that love us clumsily as well...they do love us, and for that I am grateful. I have loved You clumsily and yet you never alter your love towards me!Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-38204069537086254232015-03-03T18:02:00.000-06:002015-03-03T18:03:25.933-06:00<span style="font-size: large;"><i> Complacency and lethargy swirl about the soul like a net entangling our feet. We would swim and leap through the water, gliding as we were created to do, but cannot. We would embrace our days and move through them with purposeful energy, but this lethargy is a shadowy weight that causes mind and body both to respond with a sluggishness that fatigues a person more than any hard labor ever would. What or whom is the origin of such lethargy? Hmmm...Oh, but that we would respond like the Psalmist! </i></span><br />
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<b style="font-size: x-large;">Psalm 57:</b><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>"5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>let your glory be over all the earth.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>6 They spread a net for my feet—</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I was bowed down in distress.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>They dug a pit in my path—</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>but they have fallen into it themselves.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>7 My heart, O God, is steadfast,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>my heart is steadfast;</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I will sing and make music.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>8 Awake, my soul!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Awake, harp and lyre!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I will awaken the dawn.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>9 I will praise you, Lord, among the nations;</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I will sing of you among the peoples.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>10 For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>your faithfulness reaches to the skies.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>let your glory be over all the earth."</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>And so in my heart being steadfast to God, I will sing and make music and awaken the dawn! </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Thank you God that you are stronger than our enemy who uses my flesh against me to render me inactive in my pursuit of you and all that you have for me! Just keeping my eyes on you...let's me awaken the dawn! Wow!!!!</i></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9fUMLHTNGnUV-yn9Pwcqf9aMCIKJ3QTy6KOzIMrwJ0arcK3qBn13VOTqYQcTZrrhyNFiR6ElhzI0VBPuX9WSAGzd6VLq6VkI8Us-uS3Vepu9F-2o1oJAC_CmGTvv4x5UNAFhDVSmwXoho/s1600/IMG_7963.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9fUMLHTNGnUV-yn9Pwcqf9aMCIKJ3QTy6KOzIMrwJ0arcK3qBn13VOTqYQcTZrrhyNFiR6ElhzI0VBPuX9WSAGzd6VLq6VkI8Us-uS3Vepu9F-2o1oJAC_CmGTvv4x5UNAFhDVSmwXoho/s1600/IMG_7963.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;"><span style="font-size: large;">"But I will sing about your strength. </span></b></div>
<b></b><br />
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<b><b style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the morning I will joyfully sing </span></b></b></div>
<b>
<span style="font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: left;">
<b style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;"><span style="font-size: large;">about your mercy." Psalm 59:16</span></b></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-82936335701296087032015-01-24T11:43:00.001-06:002015-01-24T15:47:42.049-06:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Why </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">IS </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Enough <span style="font-size: large;">Not</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">ENOUGH?!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2JPgTIJGsVxPDUkkjC1TQMcVCTUDuqnmZlszhFuGfAYk5GYI1I5Jz9rr5OP9QJdHAsISiK1QrSS8EFAWCuD5Rc5819qgGEmfnQmt66mTRMPCiOSS9ol_Fzg1RcVSwLMZdk-lv8tEuJm0p/s1600/too+much+stuff+4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2JPgTIJGsVxPDUkkjC1TQMcVCTUDuqnmZlszhFuGfAYk5GYI1I5Jz9rr5OP9QJdHAsISiK1QrSS8EFAWCuD5Rc5819qgGEmfnQmt66mTRMPCiOSS9ol_Fzg1RcVSwLMZdk-lv8tEuJm0p/s1600/too+much+stuff+4.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is crazy the way we consume and then consume to store what we've consumed and then have sales and make donations to make more room to consume more!!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">STOP! I want off!!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been hungering for space in my life since 2004. It's in my prayer journals and in my devotions and written on my heart!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then why has it taken this long to let go?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because I didn't want God more than anything or anyone else in my life, plain and simple.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I so often have felt like this... </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLammNX_ntYLFcOprGiiKXugye7aNDVILRi-xFtpLvsZXV8mtctQ5CW8qI84L1OVSKpqaOF_DuF8bAx7utCfuXe54JQhfJhWgDWP4LzY3PiPuw27ngPOQ9DkktDNaYxO5gVPVJqVL0dm8Z/s1600/too+much+stuff+3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLammNX_ntYLFcOprGiiKXugye7aNDVILRi-xFtpLvsZXV8mtctQ5CW8qI84L1OVSKpqaOF_DuF8bAx7utCfuXe54JQhfJhWgDWP4LzY3PiPuw27ngPOQ9DkktDNaYxO5gVPVJqVL0dm8Z/s1600/too+much+stuff+3.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but... all I do is this...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLVuk1wEIC2Rd2g_KbftLHMXnpP6SPT9Nu1MtwbeSVQPDfPDb6szHSKcmPQAm_PAkY18A5HOW6DZFUMm6MpLIBD8z6Lo3A9uATP2gbiyAgpcEmm2pcc_oDUL6KAFW64WHA7FE28RMDevjB/s1600/too+much+stuff+2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLVuk1wEIC2Rd2g_KbftLHMXnpP6SPT9Nu1MtwbeSVQPDfPDb6szHSKcmPQAm_PAkY18A5HOW6DZFUMm6MpLIBD8z6Lo3A9uATP2gbiyAgpcEmm2pcc_oDUL6KAFW64WHA7FE28RMDevjB/s1600/too+much+stuff+2.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is, was , will ALWAYS be my heart...it's a heart problem. The more cluttered my life gets the more distracted I am from what really matters.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">SOMEtimes...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">that's a good coping or defense mechanism, but ULTIMATELY...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss the real life I was meant to live and lose touch with the real person I was created to be because...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have lost sight, I have lost touch with God...my one true, faithful, forever LOVER of MY SOUL!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He always is here.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He always is in love with me and calling me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He always wants to just be with me and to bask in one another's presence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have filled up the empty times, places, spaces, and seasons in my life with STUFF...good and bad STUFF.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well, I am tired, fatigued, and weary because nothing, no activity, no person, no ministry, no addiction can replace the very source and Love of my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL3aOOtoIp3M8x9Zyr9dCij0Zm4rwbRPMU8n9lxNXpoTUy6u00bJZYrte6sowQYvUCNAfRoxNwTPgU_i1BvKhY231bCKaioHzRMKZjRvaSdHBAdW6ME5Ml0nwHdBJ8XvPp4kHpq67IvJw8/s1600/too+much+stuff+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL3aOOtoIp3M8x9Zyr9dCij0Zm4rwbRPMU8n9lxNXpoTUy6u00bJZYrte6sowQYvUCNAfRoxNwTPgU_i1BvKhY231bCKaioHzRMKZjRvaSdHBAdW6ME5Ml0nwHdBJ8XvPp4kHpq67IvJw8/s1600/too+much+stuff+1.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's funny. I am a creative artistic type, but have a strong desire for order. I have never been able to figure that out...and maybe never will...but MAYbe...just MAYbe... some of that is because I have been unsettled and distracted like Martha. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6kHYUnjpwUfuaqQGppyASSy9nW5wXlgeECNc5VljTpc7JopHro-sA5iGENC-Z7j-RUjFGR8FiQlQFygxA-oGzARJP4Q0NHbCAvot8lJft8-S-l_pmRLddDQW0Gnf7WZI0pxA8MmYN0mcv/s1600/jesusmarymarthaHART.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6kHYUnjpwUfuaqQGppyASSy9nW5wXlgeECNc5VljTpc7JopHro-sA5iGENC-Z7j-RUjFGR8FiQlQFygxA-oGzARJP4Q0NHbCAvot8lJft8-S-l_pmRLddDQW0Gnf7WZI0pxA8MmYN0mcv/s1600/jesusmarymarthaHART.jpg" height="320" width="242" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 500; margin: 0px 0px 20px; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; font-size: 18px; line-height: 19.7999992370605px;">Luke 10: 41-42</span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: 18px; line-height: 19.7999992370605px;">"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px; line-height: 19.7999992370605px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-10-42" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: black; box-sizing: border-box;">Martha wasn't wrong to serve, but she was possibly motivated not out of love and devotion to her Jesus, but perhaps for baser reasons. Reasons such as approval, acceptance, prestige, and on and on. We've all been there and done that! </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span class="text Luke-10-42" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: black; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-size: large;">I FEAR...</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;">I have lost much time with that mindset far too often. I sense my God has been grooming me to quiet myself and let go on so many levels that it has been scary and difficult, and yet exhilarating and freeing. The things of this world, this life we think is oh so real...it has been slowly losing it's flavor for me, like gum that's been chewed too long. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-size: large;">HOWEVER...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;">God knows me and knew just how long I would dawdle. He knew my tolerance for staying with "fillers" and "fluff" and the idols that would never fill me up or quench my thirst...and He just waited and loved me and gently spoke terms of endearment to me. Sigh! What a lover He is! What a pursuer of my heart he has been. Grace...it finally broke through and into my numbed out mind and heart and said, "I'm here, I've been waiting. What a sweet journey we will have in this life and after!" </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-size: large;">I KNOW...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;">I will stray back sometimes. I will heed the call of the sirens. I also know, that it is less often and that I more quickly find myself back at His feet, letting Him stroke my hair and speak truth and light and life into me...filling me up. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">Psalm 63:1-8</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">(When David was in the desert)</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">You God,are my God,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">earnestly I seek you;</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I thirst for you, </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">My whole being longs for you,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">In a dry and parched land where there is no water.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I have seen you in the sanctuary</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">and beheld your power and glory.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i>Because</i></b></span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large; line-height: 24px;"><b><i> your love is better than life,</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">my lips will glorify you.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I will praise you as long as I live,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">and in your name I will lift up my hands.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">With singing lips my mouth will praise you.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">On my bed I remember you;</i></b></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I think of you through the watches of the night.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i>Because</i></b></span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large; line-height: 24px;"><b><i> you are my help,</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large; line-height: 24px;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I sing in the shadow of your wings.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large; line-height: 24px;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">I cling to you,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large; line-height: 24px;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">Your right hand upholds me. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: black; font-weight: normal;">What more could I need? He is enough.</span></span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-70722088044099758392015-01-11T04:37:00.001-06:002015-01-11T04:37:58.770-06:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Once Again It's 4 a.m.</span></i></b> </div>
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So many things could be waking me up.</div>
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Is it the 12 hour decongestant I took at 8 a.m. yesterday morning?</div>
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Is it my "time of life"... again?</div>
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Is it the "blue light" stimulation from being on the computer too close to bedtime?</div>
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Is it the recurring back stiffness and at times pain from this herniated disc?</div>
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Do one of these things awaken me, but then my mind switches to the "on" mode?</div>
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Images and thoughts come unbidden into the half awake/half asleep place.</div>
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I finally realize I have been awake too long to stay in bed and go back to sleep.</div>
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I have to get up, make my beloved fragrant hot Aveda Comfort Tea/ Sinus Soother Sleepytime cocktail, sit in the semi-darkness of dimmed lights and get the thoughts out of my head.</div>
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The images and thoughts are so many things...</div>
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Too many things to write out here...</div>
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God, You know I desire to sleep deep and undisturbed. You know that it has so long been an issue, so I trust you in this...again.</div>
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I feel secure in you when I fall to sleep and what can I do but turn to you when I "fall awake"?</div>
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I lay my sighs before you and all those things that make up those sighed prayers...all those concerns, all those images of people I love, people I know or have met, and those murky images of the past or of an unknown future.</div>
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I know you hear me, I <u>want</u> to wait in expectation, but I also want to sleep...the deep restful sleep that I seem to remember from some time a very long time ago.</div>
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The furnace cycles on, the house creaks as cold areas warm up, I have finished my tea and and as David the Psalm-writing king did I also I offer my words, my sighs, my cries, my prayers, my voice, and my request to You O Lord.</div>
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Help me to wait in expectation...to sit with you a while and just be in your presence...to know you.</div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-4335530287525992912014-11-04T17:10:00.000-06:002014-11-04T17:10:27.107-06:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Breaking Bread</span></i></b></div>
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Two things I love are traveling and preparing food and eating with loved ones and friends.<br />
The traveling costs a fair amount as we dream of returning to Italy someday after two trips there and amazing memories made and food shared! So, cooking and eating food here is more realistic in my life right now.<br />
The winter is always when my "inner cook" surfaces at our home. There's just something about the cooler temps and shorter days that make it more pleasant to be in the warm, aromatic kitchen. Whether chopping (very therapeutic by the way), baking, or stirring and sautéing, I love to feed my senses and love to feed others' senses as well.<br />
We've exchanged the art of hospitality, comfortable "down time" around a family table for the art of entertaining and impressing others with our culinary achievements and beautiful, creative presentations.<br />
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http://www.justapinch.com/recipes/soup/vegetable-soup/squash-bacon-and-swiss-cheese-soup.html</div>
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One of my favorite memories is of having a friend over in the middle of the day and serving her leftover homemade chicken pot pie and a salad and sitting in our old, funky eating area next to the kitchen and talking and sharing for hours that winter afternoon. It warms me every time I think of it.</div>
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I need to ask her if it does the same for her.</div>
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There's so many more. Sitting with friends at our table or theirs after a homemade meal, sipping wine then, hot tea or coffee, lingering over some sort of desert and just being with one another and sharing in one another's lives, the good, the hard, and the reality. Laughter and tears and often some praying. We seldom leave the table the entire evening!<br />
It is quite possibly one of my favorite times of the day.<br />
Even when it's just Fred and I, I love the camaraderie of working together in the kitchen on the evening's meal, sipping a glass of wine and catching up on one another's day. Then we either sit and with music playing or we have a few lovely BBC shows that we are addicted to and we stream those often stopping them to talk about something going on in them or to clear the table and finish up our show or save the rest of it for another evening.<br />
Shauna Niequist says in her book <i>Bread and Wine </i>that really communion is whenever we gather with others and share food.<br />
"Communion is connection, remembrance" and "He's here! God is here, and he's good. Every time we eat, every time we gather, every time the table is filled: <i>He's here. He's here, and he is good.</i>"<br />
<br />Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-72761593432627697882014-10-14T08:56:00.002-05:002014-10-14T13:57:14.506-05:00FEARFUL and Yet God...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b> FEAR<span style="font-size: large;"> - </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">God</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;"><b><i style="background-color: black;">"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."</i></b></span></div>
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<b><i> </i></b></div>
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Fall is here and it is my favorite time of year. It's when things supposedly slow down a bit. </div>
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Yard work tapers off more and more. </div>
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Outdoor gatherings are more mellow. </div>
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School schedules dictate earlier bedtimes...quieter evenings at home.</div>
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This fall also holds fear for me.</div>
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An uninvited guest pushing it's presence into my thoughts and at times into my heart.</div>
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I DO firmly believe that we are to look at our problems through the lens of our God and not the other way around</div>
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I am a person of prayer and committed to praying for those I love and even for some I may not particularly like. I pray for myself as well and am quick to ask for prayer from those with whom I feel safe doing so.</div>
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It's not like this has never entered my life before. nor is this the FIRST fall I have found fear an unwelcome companion at times dogging my heels.</div>
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But...</div>
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I have three friends at the moment dealing with breast cancer.</div>
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One is recovering from it and the treatment (mastectomy and treatments) and she is a beautiful woman and friend and wife and mom! Strength is what she exudes, though I know she often does not feel strong, she has endured multiple major health challenges! Sonja, I love you so deeply! </div>
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Two are newly diagnosed and just starting treatment.</div>
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My friend Linda is a peer as far as time of life and age and is just starting radiation after her diagnosis, biopsy, and surgery in August. She has a wonderful attitude and faith!!! My heart breaks though as she endured her sweet husband's own battle with cancer several years ago and finally had to release him to the Lord. A year later she also said goodbye to his father at the same hospice center AND room! We were to get together today after her radiation treatment to celebrate our August birthdays at a local restaurant...alas, she's not having a good day and we had to cancel again.</div>
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My other friend is Rachel, a young wife and mom of two girls, who just moved far from her established home with her husband when he accepted a lead pastor position in another state. A few years ago Rachel's husband, Matt, also battled cancer and beat it! However, it forever alters your life no matter the outcome. Rachel, diagnosed in September with breast cancer, is presently starting chemotherapy and even with her tremendous sense of humor and her faith she is able to share honestly how hard this really is on so many levels.</div>
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For the past several years, I was having mammograms every six months because they found a spot they wanted to monitor. I went for several of those and then talked with my primary care doc who I trust very much. He agreed with me that since it hadn't changed and I have a history in the past of lots of Fibroid cysts and there is no family history of breast cancer that I should take a break from all the radiation exposure and mammograms and wait until after the first of 2015 to get another one.</div>
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I was good with that...we are looked at here in the U.S. in amazement by Europe as over-reactionary and needlessly scaring women and performing lumpectomies and mastectomies when the "cancers" being excised would often not create any problems for the woman and she would die a natural death before it ever impacted her life, if ever.<br />
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I WAS good with it...</div>
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However, I also have lost sweet friends to breast cancer and I have a daughter that is an oncology nurse, so I do not have my head in the sand...I know that there is real breast cancer and I am seeing these three friends deal with it right now.</div>
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My problem is that this has all triggered my own fears about my situation and I am going to God asking him to bolster my faith and to remind me that it is he alone is who responsible for each and every one of us.....I am not doing well right this moment. I do believe my fears and my problems are small in the light of who God is. I do! The more I stay in the scriptures the better I do, but sometimes I just have "a day" or "a week" or even "a season".</div>
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I guess I just want to be real and honest about this all and in the midst of it ask anyone who just might happen across this blog to lift my three friends up in prayer and pray for me as well. I know my eternal destiny and that is truly amazing as far as dealing with my mortality. Sometimes though, in the quiet night hours I lie awake and Fear knocks, I try to see if I can feel what my mammograms see, I can't, I think of these women that I love and I do not want them to endure any more losses and then I pray for us all...and then I cry...life here is not what was intended for us... </div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-54249550269585877542014-08-29T22:01:00.000-05:002014-10-28T10:44:03.167-05:00Earlier Blog Draft I Just Discovered :)<div class="userContentWrapper aboveUnitContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-top: 15px; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #741b47; color: white;">"When will I ever learn to live in God</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #741b47; color: white;">When will i ever learn?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #741b47; color: white;">He gives me everything I need and more</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #741b47; color: white;">When will I ever Learn ?" (Van Morrison)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #741b47; color: white;"><b><i>(This was an entry that never got out of my draft pile...just written in the last six months or so, so here it is!</i></b>)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #741b47; color: white;">I am sitting at my computer right now after running...literally running... to the bathroom seven times tonight! Nope, it's not my "fun night of prep before a colonoscopy". Nor is it a flu bug. It apparently is the tail end of 48 hours of hyper inflammatory issues in my gut and elsewhere....that migraine last night was a kicker. My body always lets me know when I have overtaxed my reserves and not done a good job of feeding it and resting it! I will get this resting in Him thing down more consistently sooner or later. Hopefully sooner, so I don't trash my self physically and I can stretch out the mileage on this shell that houses me for a lot more fulfilling years and not just survive to a ripe old age.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span class="userContent">I have struggled with busy times and I have struggled with times where I am so depressed it is an effort to get out of bed. I think we all have struggled with these to a greater or a lesser degree. Either one requires letting go and letting </span>God.<br />
Either one requires admitting we are weak and He is strong.<br />
Either one requires that we learn to care and nurture the life God has lavished upon us...no matter what socio-economic bracket we are in or what our ethnicity is, we need to honor the life He gave us and care for it like the precious gift it is. When I abuse myself or others with my actions, my words, or worse, my heart and attitude, I am saying to the world, "I don't value myself very much, nor God Who created me, nor anyone else." I need Him every moment of every day...every breath is a gift from him. This is a sweet blog post on resting in Him by this woman!!! Good stuff!</span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-8350293564684009492014-08-29T08:36:00.002-05:002014-08-29T08:36:38.928-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Prayers for Ferguson/St Louis/Our Country</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Prayers for those two families most impacted</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Prayers for our hearts and motives and actions</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I do not have words of wisdom, nor deep, deep insights about the recent events here in St Louis.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have a sadness and a fear that nothing will ever change, mixed with a hope that things really might begin to change in the right direction.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have read and seen things that have lifted and crushed my spirit at the same time by people at the scene in Ferguson, online sitting at their keyboards, and in conversations going on all over the place.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I really am hopeful that we all remember that the lingering effects of such a traumatic event stay with people for longer than the news coverage ever does.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am hoping that the intentional behavior of many of us to be kinder, more aware, and careful of what we say or even what we might nod in agreement with, becomes habit and not just a "crisis response".</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I think that most of us would agree that there is no right or wrong 100% on either side of the coin, but there is a stalemate in our culture that is slowly snuffing the life out of many of us. It's an apathy that breeds many symptoms that at times flare up and that can create pain and suffering and even death.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I need to confess that I do not want to enter into the discomfort of what these events call me to do. I want to stay in a comfort zone that falsely promises to protect me and mine. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And yet, I am weary of the ongoing heaviness that broods in our land...a darkness that requires that the light of the gospel and the love of our Lord be released into it in the ways each of us are uniquely wired by God to release it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am thankful for the life God has given me. I do NOT take it for granted. But, I am required by his love towards me to share that love willingly and not sparingly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My heart goes out to all of the residents and the families in Ferguson impacted by this terrible tragedy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My heart also goes out to all law enforcement personnel and their families that put their lives on the line for us every day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am not ignoring or discounting the fact that there are people who have done terrible things both as citizens and as law enforcement officers, but I believe that most of us want peace and unity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As I said in a FaceBook post a week or so ago, we need to take personal responsibility for our own actions, attitudes, and words. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Especially as we sit in the relative "anonymity" of our homes or cars or offices and type away on social media.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Words have power.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Words have meaning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Words reflect what is truly in a person's heart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What we choose to post or choose not to post shows more often than not what sort of person we are.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I pray that these struggling words I have clumsily written reflect God's character more than mine, I really do!</span></div>
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-45271771108873358052014-06-05T17:24:00.000-05:002014-06-05T17:24:16.629-05:00<i><b><br /></b></i>
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<i><b>The longer I am around the more I realize so many things just do NOT matter.</b></i><br />
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Missing the traffic light...doesn't matter.<br />
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Messing up a meal...so NOT the end of the world.<br />
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Forgetting why I walked into a room...oh well.<br />
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My hair, body, outfit, voice, face does not look (or sound) just perfect and the way I think it should...no one else is noticing, if they are, "Get a LIFE!"<br />
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People doing stupid things in traffic...ummm, do I NEVER do stupid things while driving?!?!<br />
(This is SO not worth getting into it with someone over!)<br />
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What someone else thinks of me...more often than not they are not thinking of me, but if they do and it's unkind, I have been blest with an abundance of safe, loving people in my life, I can let those others go!<br />
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Having the last word...it's exhausting, besides, I like saying "Hmmm.." and walking away from a convo.<br />
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A clean house...sanitary, yes, squeaky clean and always presentable?...got over that years ago!<br />
Plus I have loads of "cheater" things I do to make it presentable in under 5-10 minutes:)<br />
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Winning...WHY is this so important to so many of us? Grace and mercy and love always win!!! Big!!<br />
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<i><b>Then again there are several things I have come to realize really do matter!</b></i><br />
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Time with those people that I am close to, either in person, face to face, or at least on the phone...NEVER lost time!<br />
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Lying about and doing nothing, daydreaming, and looking at the sky, or a baby's foot or sleeping face...priceless and restorative.<br />
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Reading good books...THIS is one that social media and "smart" phones have robbed from many of us!<br />
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Praying and listening for God's "voice" or direction...never enough time for this one, but we so often <span style="font-size: xx-small;">SQUEEZE </span>it in!<br />
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Responding to that little impulse (Holy Spirit time?) to do something like go visit someone, or talk to that person in the checkout line that looks weary, or send a note to an old friend...or a new one...those are the moments I am sure that if I skip over them (and I have) I will miss out on getting my socks blessed off!<br />
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Sleeping...naps are a good thing and going to bed early just because you can and you are tired does not mean you are a nerd!<br />
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Doing something for someone "just cuz", especially for someone that cannot pay you back or that even knows you or that it was you that did it for them...this is one I LOVE!!!!<br />
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Returning an unkindness with kindness...you may never know the impact of this, but the effect on others is stunning.<br />
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I am sure there are so many others, but this is a start.<br />
I needed this today, because making mountains out of molehills is something I aspire not to do, yet find myself, at times, doing very proficiently!<br />
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<br />Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-35056629803045040212014-04-07T09:30:00.000-05:002014-04-07T09:30:50.142-05:00DISTRACTIONS!!!.....Oh, I Forgot...Wait a minute...What was I saying, doing...?I loved the movie UP.<br />
I particularly related to the dog who would be focused on one thing and then his brain would register "SQUIRREL!!" and off he would bound after the elusive squirrel:)<br />
My brain at any given time while I am on a task can look a bit like this!<br />
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AS I sat down to write this, I was distracted by trying to figure out how to find and insert an UP arrow onto the blog text which took me down three rabbit trails.<br />
Then a robin on our deck started fighting with his reflection in the deck windows and doors...he's still at it...and I HAD to go over slowly to observe him more closely!<br />
And then the timer beeped signally that my tea had steeped long enough!<br />
Anyway, you get the idea.<br />
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So, I have been meeting with a lovely small group of women for six weeks growing together in five areas of our lives. They are Food, Fitness, Faith, Focus, and Friends. My main goal area to grow in was...F-O-C-U-S. Ha!<br />
The idea is if you have these areas in balance and are pursuing improvement for the glory of God with the added benefit of an accountability group that is full of grace and on the same wavelength, you WILL improve! It has been amazing and so good for me. It has reset my thinking a lot!<br />
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This is all part of a bigger journey I find myself pursuing at this time in my life.<br />
Eliminating those things that are distractions so that I don't get bogged down by details that drain me and the always "urgent" sirens that also deplete my drive and narrow my vision.<br />
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I will say that I have been aware of, as I think we all have for years that we are in a culture and so is a lot of the rest of the world in some way or another, that we have increasingly become distracted from living full meaningful lives. We are trading that off for instant connectivity to every technology and screen enhanced item we can fit into our lives, our pockets, purses, or onto our bodies.<br />
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Really, the industrial revolution started this "snowball rolling down the mountainside" effect and even though we see the effects of it and lament it we act as if we are powerless over allowing it into our lives and into our peace and serenity and relationships.<br />
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So, I am trying in my own little way to step back, for a time and then from time to time, from social media, emails, web-surfing, youtubing, and multiple other distractions.<br />
I just did this for almost an entire week getting off of FaceBook with a couple of "drop-ins" to promote a musician reunion worship service at our old church and to check on the status of a friend's child that is once again in the hospital and I am committed to praying for. (By the time of this post he has been home for a while!!!)<br />
The email fast was the same as I had to access it to reply to a vendor and also a medical appointment mix up, but for the most part it's been much "quieter" inside of me!<br />
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I filled in the rather, embarrassingly LARGE blanks with other things.<br />
Some were good, some were not worth spending my time on, but it's a learning curve that I will embrace.<br />
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One of the main reasons for limiting FaceBook is it sucked my writing energy and any creativity I have right out of my brain cells. Speaking of those brain cells, I also know that the less screens and "blue light" exposure my ever changing, ever adapting brain is exposed to the better. The brain is an amazing gift from God and I feel I have abused and disused it often.<br />
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Yes, yes, I am sure hormones, stages of life, and a host of things contribute to memory loss, brain fog, insomnia, etc. but since I have become so much more plugged in, I feel there has been a real shift in my ability to process and deal with anything from "Where are my keys, glasses, etc.." to "Why am I so unable to deal with certain things and emotions that are no big thing or that should NOT be a big deal?"<br />
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SO, in addition to eliminating the clutter of an overstuffed closet, over-stocked pantry, too many books on shelves that will NEVER be used again, and in general, just the clutter of a consumerist culture, I am trying to unclutter what my eyes and my thoughts are focused on for more time than need be.<br />
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We'll see how this pans out and how effective it is over time as far as getting back on the wagon of writing and pursuing those things that are nearest and dearest to GOD's heart and not my immediate gratification meter.<br />
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Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-71618039714639357472014-01-10T03:38:00.000-06:002014-01-10T03:41:39.059-06:00Saying Goodbye to the Blazers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeaIjGAU8yNI0pzF_k19XhKWDVT1k55oHrrHUU9N80XJVvAvPYYAD1dgaLnpk2R-6kTrQ06Pyh21lmx6iYhi4dk3m9CN91TM0sR_ksjoNGwn5S35GU_y9BMCjR4dbP-0wjY5_docNM7V2s/s1600/Blazer+Family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeaIjGAU8yNI0pzF_k19XhKWDVT1k55oHrrHUU9N80XJVvAvPYYAD1dgaLnpk2R-6kTrQ06Pyh21lmx6iYhi4dk3m9CN91TM0sR_ksjoNGwn5S35GU_y9BMCjR4dbP-0wjY5_docNM7V2s/s1600/Blazer+Family.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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Telling people goodbye is hard and feels more awkward than natural. It's not my strong suit, never has been and I have done it poorly in the past and probably won't get better at it over the years.<br />
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It's after two in the morning and I have been tossing and turning and of all things thinking about Matt and Rachel Blazer and their family of two little girls and their pets.<br />
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I lay praying for them for a time and then images just kept drifting in and out of my thoughts until I knew I had to get up and put some of these elusive thoughts down on paper as it were.<br />
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I remember early staff meetings at the Greentree offices in Kirkwood sitting around that big table in the conference room. I remember wondering what am I doing here and who are these people really? I knew Anne Simon pretty well from her years in my life already as Jessi's friend and Erin's classmate, and the many days and nights she was in our home and lives. I was getting to know the two pastors and the interns, but thought that the youth guy was sort of hard to figure out and somewhat intentionally enigmatic.<br />
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Matt Blazer. How often I would shake my head and say, "Matt, you are so weird sometimes." I just didn't get you or understand some of your reasoning or how you would get from "point A" in a topic to "point B". I would've maybe stayed at that comfortable distance, not really getting you, making a "cardboard cutout" of the real Matt. However, God knew better. He began to let me really hear your heart behind some of those random ways you communicated and I saw something in your eyes that belied the depth to your soul and feelings, no matter how the words tumbled out. You became my friend and in the process, unbeknownst to me or you you became my pastor. You wormed your way into my heart and shepherded me well before I realized it.<br />
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I remember the afternoon you came by the house when our daughter Jessica was in town. She saw you sitting on our furniture I had set out front to dry after hosing it all off and cleaning the the front porch. She said, "Mom there's a guy sitting out front on the drive in a chair with a dogsmoking a cigar." Fred and I both smiled and said, "Matt."<br />
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We invited you to come around to the side yard and sit on our deck. You said you were worried that someone would think the furniture was for sale or worse for free. It was fifty feet from the street up our driveway in the turnaround, but years later as I realized Rachel's love of "rescuing abandoned furniture" I got your concern.<br />
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We got a bowl of water for Ron, and the four of us humans proceeded to have cigars. I chided you about smoking as you were just getting ready to have treatment for your cancer. You assured me that the docs said it was fine this "one last time". I wondered how many of those you had :-)<br />
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I also remember our staff retreat. What a strange thrown together group of people for a weekend retreat at the lake in someone's beautiful condos! It was fun and even though we drove Scott mad (he asked for our thoughts on the different name options for the church...remember?) I believe it may have actually been somewhat productive. <br />
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Once the church moved to our new offices I began to get to know you better and so did Fred. So often you would say what you thought I was getting at or trying to say to the pastors and you were most often spot on! You seemed to have a much deeper soul than I had originally given you credit for. I began to see empathy and compassion and a desire to know and better understand people and what they were about. I guess I was being given the gift of watching God grow you...what a gift!<br />
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You were who we came to and let know we were leaving Riverside. It just seemed the natural thing to do. You shepherded us well and you loved us well, we are honored to call you "friend".<br />
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Rachel, I did not have the privilege of knowing you as well as I got to know Matt, but I remember going to a baby shower at the Dames condo banquet hall or whatever you call those. I remember watching you become a person in your own right and yet always you were very much Matt's wife. You complimented him beautifully!<br />
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I was in one study (or maybe two?) with you and always loved your enthusiasm for the word and how it fit into real life for us as women, or actually how our lives fit into God's story. I watched as you deepend in relationship with so many women over time and so gracefully wore many hats throughout your years at Riverside. You dealt with the seminary years, the early days of motherhood, and some difficult parenting challenges with grace and dignity...and honesty. Thank you for that.<br />
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I have always loved your sense of humor...that is one of my love languages and you speak it well!<br />
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I think what I love too about you is your transparency that just sort of happens, it doesn't feel forced or for show, but genuine. I treasure that as much as a good sense of humor:-)<br />
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Both of you have a tenacious love for the Lord and his word, but more impressive is how it is lived out in your love for those around you that have been blessed by your friendship and your leadership.<br />
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I know the road ahead is scary, exciting, unnerving, and that you are as ready for it as you will ever be. I also know that while Matt acclimates to being a head pastor (which he will do beautifully!), Rachel, you will be charged with helping your girls adjust and getting your home established all without the "right there" support of your besties and friends here in the Lou.<br />
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Just remember you guys, take it ALL "one day at a time". You only have to be and can be in the present moment and then the next one and then the next, but not any more than that. You also still have your support network back here just a call, text, email, tweet, or whatever away.<br />
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Fred and I will be in Connecticut to visit Matt and Erin in April and the plan is to come spend a couple of days at the retreat place there and hang out with you guys. We'll see, but I like the sound of it.<br />
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Matt, you are tearing my husband's heart apart...he has deeply loved his time with you and it is so hard for him each time someone leaves. There has been lots of that over the years as we have been the ones to stay behind. As much as you sought insight and advice and wisdom from him, know you impacted his life and heart just as much!<br />
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Thank you both for allowing God to let your lives "bump up against" ours over these years. None of us ever really realizes the full impact our lives has on others, but it's nice to get glimpses of it once in a while. You have impacted our lives and many others...we love you both!Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-28282123015968367872012-07-07T10:45:00.000-05:002012-07-07T10:45:03.711-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">
Many Changes in One Week</div>
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(written June 16, 2012)</div>
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Yesterday the other 90 year old oak tree next to our house had to be brought down. Due to building by the previous neighbors it could no longer get sustenance on that side as its root system was being covered over with concrete.<br />
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This had been a week of changes as far as long-standing “markers” in our life. We discontinued the landline after 30 years. Fred’s moving his office from where it’s been for nineteen years to Carey’s and Rich’s house, and clearing out and shutting down his shop over on Southwest from where he’s had it for 8 years. We’re curtailing our salary for the time being and living on savings as another cost containment measure.<br />
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As sad as this all can be it’s also a sign of change and God moving us into a new era!<br />
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I cried a fair amount this week and shared and talked with my girls who have shared in the grieving about the tree and the phone number.<br />
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This morning, after a sweet time of prayer with Thayne and Maria, Jorf and Korf, and Claude and Debbie here last night, I stood out on the side deck to look up at the big empty space over our house to the west, created by the removal of that tree. It was then that You filled my heart with a sense of openness and limitlessness in those skies. I recognized it as that same opening up of the heart and mind and soul that happens in the mountains or the seashore, or even in open airy architecture (Crystal Bridges Museum). Then I got it!!<br />
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The removal of the dead and dying parts of our lives opens up new vistas and horizons, bigger spaces and possibilities. It’s invigorating yet if I don’t keep my eyes on You I can easily feel lost and adrift and fear and anxiety take root. However, if I do keep my gaze on You and Your desire towards me and on the fact that You’ve given me new openness to move about and have my being in and expand our lives into, I am quieted and encouraged. My fears become excitement. My anxiety becomes anticipation.<br />
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Thank You for displaying Your vastness to me this week!<br />
Thank You for loving my heart and the heart of my best friend and lover!<br />
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You are truly a God Who undoes me…and then settles me!<br />
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<br /></div>Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-40804145318347702402012-07-07T10:29:00.000-05:002012-07-07T10:37:17.998-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">Drought</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So in this unreal time in the midwest , really 50% of the country, of severe heat and drought I realized several things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We are going through a time of testing and trial and financial problems. Our business is being downsized to contain costs and we are taking measures to try to keep it and us "in the black". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It is not as if we haven't been here before, but this time the overall global and national economic climate is pretty grim and longer term than in the past.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What God has been teaching my heart during this present season is that my nourishment, my life-giving water and sustenance is not to be found here in this world system, nor our generating an income, but in Him alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Right! I thought I had been taught this before! Ah! He goes deeper with me this time, burning away more dross, pruning back my life more severely. There is always more dross, there is always more that can be pruned. Yet the closer I get to reflecting the image of Christ in me, the more painful and difficult it becomes letting go of some of these other gods I've clung to in my life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, I stand firm on God and Who He is and His Truth, He IS truth! I drink from the Living Waters when I grow weary and feel faint and fear losing heart...losing faith. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's becoming clearer and clearer to me that I have nothing apart from Abba, my Daddy God! I have no skills, no abilities, no resources, no support systems that will never fail, never run out, never turn away from me...but my God!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In July 5th's </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Streams in the Dessert </i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">the reading was about being led into the dessert to find or receive back our vineyards. It was based on Hosea 2:14-15</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I really hope that in this time in the Valley of Achor, which means "troubled", I see it and recognize it as "a door of hope." And that "There [I] will sing as in the days of [my] youth." And that "there [He] will give [me] back [my] vineyards." Hosea 2:14-15</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am thirsty and only One can quench my thirst in this dessert-like season of drought!</span></div>
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<br /></div>Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-75147524356985064242012-05-04T09:43:00.000-05:002012-05-04T09:43:50.081-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">The Laird and His Lady Veggie Lasagna</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Last night our sweet newlywed friends,Eileen and William came over for the evening and it was so fun! William is from England, near Cotswold and Eileen met him in Scotland while both were working with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). We have known and loved Eileen for many years as she has been friends with our daughter, Jessi, through high school, college and after. She spent many days and nights in our home and we love her like a daughter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">They are here on "holiday" after being married at the end of March in England.They are spending time with her family stateside for a bit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">These are the gorgeous roses they brought to us!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRTR6bMa7PcPPNwHy7OqvvFBplsovuqTlbEmkuBtRw6RKWxG75oay8hU-ppslbo6J25s1pnjUjZ1vTIJte44bFcdU_loL0MfAxdfAsrZ8cKsv62k1JVW8egbtLuS8m9wdiEksXPQrTj96D/s1600/Roses+from+the+Satchells.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRTR6bMa7PcPPNwHy7OqvvFBplsovuqTlbEmkuBtRw6RKWxG75oay8hU-ppslbo6J25s1pnjUjZ1vTIJte44bFcdU_loL0MfAxdfAsrZ8cKsv62k1JVW8egbtLuS8m9wdiEksXPQrTj96D/s320/Roses+from+the+Satchells.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I asked what type of food they enjoyed and Eileen said they both were getting more into vegetarian.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">So I, of course turned to my son-in-law, Matt, who is a vegetarian, and our daughter, Erin, for new ideas on some vegetarian recipes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Erin had just made a new one the night before last and it sounded wonderful so I went with it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">She gave me a very loose recipe and the ingredients she chose and then I came up with some additions and VOILA:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Vegetarian Polenta Eggplant Lasagna</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>1 or 2 rolls of Trader Joe's Organic Polenta</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>1 jar of Organic Basil Marinara Sauce</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Approx 1/2 jar of TJ's Pesto Sauce</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>1 bag of frozen fire roasted peppers and onions (thawed ahead of time a bit)</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>1-2 cloves fresh garlic finely chopped</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>3-4 baby bella mushrooms sliced</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>1 small or 1/2 large eggplant med sliced</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>2 cups finely shredded mozzarella cheese</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Slice one package of the polenta 1/2 in. thick.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Layer as much as will fit into the bottom of a class baking dish. I used a 9 x 12" dish.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Layer 1/2 of the marinara sauce on top of the polenta.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Mix the chopped garlic with the thawed veggies and layer that over the sauce.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Layer 1/2 the shredded cheese.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Layer the mushrooms.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Drop pesto sauce by little spoonfuls on and around mushrooms.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Layer the sliced eggplant.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Top with one more layer of polenta slices</b></span><b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;"> </b></span><br />
<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">Cover with the remainder of the marinara sauce.</span></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">Bake at 375 for 25 minutes</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b>Top</b></span><b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> with remaining shredded cheese and bake an additional 15 minutes.</b></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">Let stand a bit to give the juices time to settle and be somewhat absorbed.Can be a little liquidy because of the frozen veggies, but the longer it sets the less liquid there is.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">There's really no wrong way to make this or layer it or what you choose to put in it and it was so yummy...and today we get to be excited about leftovers for dinner!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">So, I've dubbed my version of my sweet, pregnant daughter's recipe "The Laird and His Lady Lasagna" in honor of our friends William and Eileen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Waiting!!!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why is it that waiting is so hard?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm sure it has something to do with our need to be in control and independent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was thinking a lot about this because our family is waiting for the imminent birth of our daughter Erin's</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> baby. We are at the "any moment" time and yet it could be a while.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She's due May 3rd.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Everything I am planning for this week and the next all are prefaced with, "If the baby doesn't come" statements.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">God asks us to live fully in the present and we have a very difficult time with that command.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What's so funny about that is that we are not capable of living in anywhere BUT the present. Yet, we act and plan as though we are certain that the next moment, day, week, month, or even year is ours to fill in the blanks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Obviously, we have to make plans and have some structure to our future, but it's in the subtle attitude that it will play out just as we expect it to that we see how bound and determined we are to get our way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have been learning, through sometimes painful ways, to place all my expectations in God and in nothing and nobody else.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He always knows what is coming and what is most glorifying to Him and best for me, His child...I don't...I'm too small-minded and earthly bound.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I also recall our first pastor's wife once talking about a word study she did on "waiting" on God. She mentioned this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In a restaurant the word "server" and "waiter" are fairly interchangeable. There's a hint: The way we serve God is to wait on Him...actively wait on Him. We wait until we know what He wants (dare I say needs?) from us and then we serve in that way. Sometimes he just wants us to be there with Him and fully available, but not doing anything that feels productive to us. It just makes Him happy to know we are there...waiting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I still remember after my dad died the long hours of standing and talking with people at the funeral parlor at the visitation. I was exhausted, sad, and felt like nobody really understood what it was to lose my daddy. I was a "daddy's girl"! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">At some point in those hours I realized that every time I glanced across the room there was my girlfriend Bobbi, just hanging out and she would look over at me and smile softly and nod.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She was just there, but her presence and the fact that when I needed anything I knew could make eye contact with her and let her know with a glance, meant the world to me and eased my heart in those hours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe it's a little like that with God. He tells us not to fret and we look all over the room, but not at Him. He tells us "just wait on Me" and and we run about making endless plans and stressing out. We could either take the role of Bobbi and be available to God trusting Him to let us know when we should act, "actively waiting"; Or we could even take the role of me and know that He is in the room, in our lives waiting, always there and available, and just make eye contact with Him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Either scenario, either way, waiting is really only hard when we don't trust Who it is we're waiting on...and He has proven himself over and over again in my life. So. I wait...my expectations are in You alone Lord...at least for this moment...for right now!</span></div>Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-82396600343926076792012-04-21T20:34:00.000-05:002012-04-21T20:34:09.063-05:00Crying At the End of A TV Show (Spoiler Warning!)Just watched the final show in the fourth season of Doc Martin (BBC Show) and I could not believe that I cried and cried at the ending scene!<br />
No! Not because that's all we can watch until Season Five is released onto Amazon Prime, but because of the subject matter.<br />
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The Doc's ex girlfriend Louisa has their baby right at the end of the show literally as the character, Doc Martin, the village GP is heading out of town, moving back to London to return to a career in vascular surgery.<br />
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The birth scene totally took me by surprise.<br />
I realize that between my (crazy:) love of having birthed all three of our children "naturally" and the fact that our daughter Erin is due within the next few weeks at the latest and has invited me to attend the actual birth...I am an emotional wreck when it comes to anything childbirth!!<br />
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I cannot believe that I once again get to first hand be a witness to a miracle of epic proportions.<br />
Thank you Erin and Matt!<br />
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At one time I was encouraged to become a prepared childbirth instructor, but I just never got around to it.<br />
Silly me!!!<br />
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When my daughter-in-law, Missy, had her second child, Teddy, she invited me to watch the video of the birth a week or so after he was born. I cried during that as well. It was beautiful! Birth is beautiful! She was beautiful!<br />
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When our friends Edward and Sonja asked me to photograph the birth of their little one I was honored and thrilled! When it happened all I could do was continue to shoot photos, not pause to reflect or cry. It was so amazing. Like quiet thunder. That is the best analogy I could come up with for a new life slipping into this realm, powerfully and yet with quiet strength and power! I sat in the parking garage afterwards and grinned and cried and called my best friend to share the moment with her.<br />
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I am so thankful to God for the amazing opportunities to be present for or watch the births of these babies to some people I love very much. However, I have to wonder at my visceral response anytime I see a birth, even on a television show.<br />
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I can only assume that childbirth is one of those times the window into God's miraculous power is opened just a bit...just enough to cause our breath to catch, our heart to skip a beat, and remind us that He's in charge and is indeed the Creator of life!<br />
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Yeah, I think it's one of those times!<br />
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<br />Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-175948457800333599.post-52225313919198969492012-04-20T09:11:00.000-05:002012-04-20T09:11:37.716-05:00<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, I've been thinking. Nothing like my youngest child, Jessi, turning thirty to cause me to ruminate a bit. (And is Josh really going to be thirty-five?!?!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Fred and I have been together for 40 years next month, as we met and were thereafter inseparable the first week in May of 1972!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My daughter, Erin is presenting us with the first child by one of our daughters! A big event, really a miracle, considering their story. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Our oldest grandchild, Sonya, starts kindergarten in the fall!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Inevitably, we both turn sixty this year! Surprising for some reason, to my sensibilities!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Erin and I started gentle yoga and I have continued on and love it!!! My core strength may actually be slowly reappearing!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have experienced the deep-in-my-gut awareness that I am an orphan in this world, and at times that wakes me at night and I have to swallow down the fear and pray against the anxiety that accompanies the realization that on my side of the family we are the oldest generation!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am attempting to finish and start several writing projects...AND PUBLISH at least one of those...as I meet with my friend Jackie and spur her on in her writing endeavors and try to get myself going as well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have several photos waiting to be dry-mounted and then find somewhere to display them and hopefully sell them all!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have almost finished wrapping up all the loose ends, etc, with my mom's things and her estate. That has sat heavy on my heart and I realized the need to move fast to finish it up and get it all out from in front of me! The photos are at once saddening and cathartic. I will be scanning quite a few of those!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Fred and I are loving being involved in music once again as well as being back "home" in a non-denominational church! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The mix of people at U City Family Church is so right!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I will be at the birth, God willing, of Erin and Matt's little one and that is a blessing beyond words!!! If they should change their minds, I will understand, but truly hope it all works out for me to witness the birth!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." (Serenity Prayer)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Marshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03277718132857693517noreply@blogger.com0